What no one tells you about being engaged
It’s happened! You said yes, there were a few tears, definitely some killer watt smiles and hugs and now the planning for the wedding of the year can begin!
Even in the first few hours and days of you getting engaged, you’re going to notice changes in yourself and likely those around you. Don’t get me wrong, you may not experience everything below and great if you don’t but when emotions are running high, you will need to take a step back and consider a viewpoint other than your own and I hope the information below will help put everything into perspective.
1. No matter how great your relationship is, or how long you’ve been a couple, you’re going to have doubts
…and that’s normal. So will your partner. It’s a silly myth that only men get cold feet before the big day. The fear that this forever also hits us women too, though very few will talk about it.
Talk and discuss how you both feel. When worries cross your mind, share them openly. Talking about your feelings can be enough to clear the air and resolve your doubt. Having a relationship built on open communication, confidence and trust is essential to sharing your fears without creating fear in the other person.
2. People will ask you about a wedding date and location before you’ve even had a chance to think about it
Congratulations! You’re engaged! but where? When? Do you know who your bridesmaids are? What dress are you going for? Are you taking his name? Erm, thanks? I hadn’t really thought about what I’m having for dinner tonight, but thanks for initiating a full on panic attack!
As soon as you have the ring, everyone in your life will want to know when and where the wedding is. Don’t let it stress you out. Tell family and friends that you’re just excited to be engaged for the moment and there is plenty of time to work out the details if the constant need for updates and information are causing your anxiety levels to rise.
3. You’ll have to tell your proposal story a million times
Who doesn’t love a good proposal story, and once you are engaged you won’t be able to escape the barrage of people wanting to know every little detail of yours. Sure, it’s fun to relive the moment, but you may find that reliving it over and over and over again can cause the memory to lose some of its excitement.
It’s okay to keep some of the most special details, such as what was said between you and your future spouse. It doesn’t matter what others might think of your proposal story - it’s special because it’s yours!
4. Not everyone close to you will be happy
Your BFFs will be freaking out and emoji-laden social media posts will show you just how excited they are for you and the happy journey ahead. However, don’t be shocked if someone close to you is not as happy as you thought they would be. A not-so-positive reaction to your good news is a reflection of that person not you. Remember, for every negative person, you have dozen of friends really exciting for you.
The truth is that the people who love you will be happy for you because you’re so happy. No matter the reason why someone is unhappy about or jealous of your news, it might help you realise who your real friends are and who shouldn’t make the guest list for your big day.
5. …But your friends will be there for you
You’ll know the people you can count on. They’re the ones who take you out for drinks the day after you get engaged to celebrate and tell you they’re ready to help you with whatever you need.
Lean on the friends who express excitement for you and celebrate your newly-engaged status often.
6. You will have wedding planning experts appearing from every corner
Everyone in your life who has been married will give their unsolicited opinions on your big day. There are all sorts of reasons why this happens but generally, people think they are being helpful and doing you favour and saving you some time.
They’ll tell you the size of the wedding you should have, what style of dress you should wear, what wedding cake flavour will go down best with your guests, etc. For my fellow people pleasers, this can be hard as everyone takes this opportunity to convey their own wedding preferences at the expense of yours. Leaving you feeling overwhelmed.
Don’t take everyone’s opinions personally. If you put too much pressure on yourself taking all the advice on board, your own dreams and wishes will get lost in the noise. Your wedding should be what you and your partner want it to be. If anyone offers planning advice that starts with ‘You should/shouldn’t…’ take it in your stride. At the end of the day, everyone just wants the best for you on your wedding day. If you agree with the advice, then take it. If not, thank them and continue with your plans.
7. Your relationship will feel different
A marriage proposal is such an exciting moment. Before the ring has slipped onto your finger you’ve said yes and committed yourselves together…forever. Even if you’ve been together for years, your relationship will feel different. Please don’t see this in a negative way. You’re adding a new chapter to your story together and moving onto the next phase of your lives.
Which makes it the perfect time to start talking about your future plans together in detail, if you’ve only discussed them at a high level in the past to make sure you’re on the same page on everything. You’ll want to talk about everything from where you will live post-wedding to the number of children you will have. You don’t have to have it all set in stone, but not being on the same page now will add stress in the future. However, being on the same page on hard to make decisions, will make your ceremony and vows all that more meaningful.
8. …But really will be the same
Ring? Check! Wedding planning?In progress. This doesn’t mean that all conversations will have to be about that.
Your intended will still think you tell all the best jokes, because you do, of course! And conversation first thing in the morning until your brain is awake will still be a problem.
9. It’s okay to feel stressed
Once the post-engagement glow wears off, it’s ok to feel a little anxious. Planning your wedding is likely one of the biggest events you’re ever likely to organise unless you’re an events planners, of course.
This is also one of the biggest decisions one makes. Committing to marry someone is a huge commitment so it’s only natural to freak out a little bit, it’s normal. As long as you know this is something you’re ready for and are excited about.
10. Time will go by faster than you think
After you get engaged, you will be overwhelmed with feelings of excitement and thoughts of wedding planning. I can’t stress how important to take a breath and relax and bask in some post-engagement celebration.
However. you will be surprised how fast time flies by. Unless you’ve given yourself only 6 months to plan your wedding, you may think you’ve got a year or more so you can take it easy. Please remember that time will go by quickly and there is nothing worse than waiting to choose your main suppliers thinking you’ve got plenty of time only to find out the ones you’ve set your heart on are booked.
If you’ve just gotten engaged, anything you think should be added to this list that no one tells you about? Get in touch and let me know your thoughts.